Snot Rocket

You might take one look at the above shot and think, "My, those sailors really have a lot of balls for racing through that eco-sludge!", but then you'd be wrong. They didn't choose this particular patch of eco-sludge. It chose them - yeah, that's right, this is an Olympics trial competition and these poor bastards have no choice. The Olympics are in China this year, and that means plenty of sludge for everyone.

And if it were only so simple as a sailing problem (as that's hardly a sport anyway):

Slate's Disaster Guide to the 2008 Olympics

Slate.com has prepared a “handy guide” with which to moniter the upcoming Olympic games. Ranked how, you ask? By disaster level. Let’s start with:

Algae: International sailing teams are finding it hard to navigate through what looks like a “putting green.” First of all, sailing isn’t a sport. Second of all, it still seems like a level playing field to me, no?

Tibet: Possible protests? I don’t recall anyone complaining when Tommie Smith and John Carlos raised their fists in a black panther solute in 1968. Oh wait…

Rain: Roelof Bruintjes of the U.S National Center for Atmospheric Research says, "I don't think their chances of preventing rain are very high at all. We can't chase away a cloud, and nobody can make a cloud, either." First of all, get a real name. Second of all, get a real job. Thirdly, the Chinese government is firing iodide rockets into the sky to wring water from the clouds. Still worried?

Darkness: As in a television blackout. Reports are that broadcasting equipment is being held up do to security concerns. Let’s get our priorities straight here. Would you take television over personal security. Don’t answer that.

Visa Issues: Security! Security! Hello?!?

Food: Well according to the article in the Telegraph, you’re a racist pig! And in regards to the supposed steroids in the food, why don’t we just take a look at an average Chinese athlete. Pretty buff? Big and toned?

Water: They’ve displaced 300,000 citizens to fill a dried up lake and you’re still complaining?

Locusts: Wait, locusts, really? That’s not cool.

Terrorism: I’m more concerned with the locusts.

And of course, Pollution: Marathon runners are afraid of the toxic air? Doesn’t Los Angeles run a marathon every year?

But let's be fair - it wouldn't be pretty in many American cities either...


Apocalypto

Sorry, no, that's not a post-Apocalpytic cityscape long ago run over with forests and wildlife since humans left for greener pastures. That's Los Angeles, behind a sweltering layer of the prettiest smog-haze you've ever laid eyes on. But hey, at least Americans don't have to shower in ectocooler. Usually.

Final Thought: Everybody’s always picking on China. Watch these games go by without incident, and it’ll be as if Slate’s article was never even written. And if something does go wrong? It’s probably Japan’s fault.